My Postpartum Journey

Photo by Kortni at kortnimaria.com

Hello fourth trimester and welcome to postpartum.

I always knew I wanted to share my life journey, like the pages in my journal. Remind women who’ve gone before me or follow behind me, that it’s simply okay, scratch that, not just okay, but encouraged to walk through this life totally authentic. Not having it all together, but helping each other along the way. We’re not meant to exist alone, but rather together. Side by side. Through smiles and tears, joys and sorrows. 

My journey after pregnancy and birth have been different with each child. I didn’t expect anything less, but honestly I didn’t know anything more. I did no research beyond what I would need to heal physically and completely missed all that I needed to prepare mentally. This was my plunge into motherhood territory with my first son, Karson.

I say this phrase continually, to anyone and everyone who will listen. Change, whether expected or not is hard. It’s part of transition and thats something that requires adjusting.

Postpartum with Karson hit heavy with an extra side of baby blues. This reality of my season of life clashing with this new life I wrapped lovingly in my arms was utterly overwhelming. And that in itself kind of sums up what becoming a new mom feels like, right? I read all the books, googled until my fingers were sore, and followed all the suggestions, until I could no more. My mama instinct started to settle in over time, even when our settling in was far from what I imagined.

Postpartum with my second son, Myles has absolutely been life giving. Three months together on earth side is quickly approaching, yet I can’t remember what life was like before he joined our family. Of course I’ll still make friends with anxiety when I can’t figure out what’s wrong or I wish I had a third arm. Of course I’m still figuring out things as I go and always sit in the backseat of our white SUV on long drives with both kids. Of course there’s this and so much more. So much more laughs, smiles, and quiet moments where I look at my miracles and thank God for them both.

After giving birth to Myles, I positioned myself for hardship. I was ready for the battle of raging hormones and mental health challenges as I’ve struggled before. I knew it would be difficult with now two additional souls to care for as I already understood what it was like with one. I extended myself grace and I asked for help. I shorted the list of things I needed to do and stoped over extending myself. I prayed when it was challenging and I chose to say yes to this season with every breath I take.

Postpartum is jeans too tight.

Postpartum is frustration that you forget everything.

Postpartum is spit filled shirts and laundry around the clock.

Postpartum is wishing someone would plan your meals, do your laundry, and bring you groceries.

Postpartum is also exchanging smiles and a thousand kisses.

Postpartum is also laughing about the fact that you peed yourself and you don’t know how.

Postpartum is also this incredible reminder that you’re baby is here, happy and healthy.

My body has changed for the better, even on days I can’t see past the scars. 

My mind has changed for the better, even on days I’m begging for time on my own. 

My heart has changed for the better, even when I miss the mark. 

Motherhood changes you. It shapes you in countless ways, crafting you into who you’re destined to be.

Baby blues to cloud nine, I’ve lived them both. Setting up residency in bigger jeans, spit up shirts, and the classic mom bun. Living with a baby on my chest and gaining new skills to pick up everything with my feet when possible (anyone else?). Adjusting to hormones, emotional breakdowns, and taking two hours to leave the house. Every part difficult, but every second irreplaceable.

Each journey has been unique and special in their own way. Life will teach you things in the transition. Lessons you couldn’t learn without them. Lessons like the value of life and how absolutely astonishing it is that our bodies have been allowed this gift to produce life itself. I lean into that every day. Each moment that is harder than the last and each passing day that brings me joy.

This is postpartum.